The cracks in the attractor landscape.
Imagine you are being thrown inside a rabbithole. As you are being thrown in the rabbithole, it is pitchblack inside, but if you look up and see the circle of light of the edges in your eyes. You feel like you are being thrown and the circle of light gets smaller and smaller. But suddenly, you think about the fact that you are falling and you look up; the circle doesn’t get smaller and smaller. The circle stays the same shape. You think that falling should make the circle smaller, but you haven’t touched the ground yet, you are still falling. So is the rabbithole is falling with me down? But then, the circle gets larger and larger. Is the speed of the falling rabbithole declining? Is the rabbithole itself enlarging? Am I falling up?
You reach the edges of the light and you are enlightened. Everywhere there is light around you. It feels like the rabbithole was still all along, the rabbithole could have been any size, and you are in the light now. You felt like you were flying up, but you turn around and look back. There is a small big circle, and it gets smaller and smaller. Suddenly, you feel like you are falling again, in a enlightened rabbithole. While the black circle is getting smaller and smaller. Then suddenly, it stays the same shape.
You feel like an amazing dejavu. You are experiencing the same thing twice. While first the rabbithole was black, with white light at the top. As it turned around, the rabbithole became black with blackness at the top. You fall a few times from black to white and black. You start to lose the sense whether you are falling, if it are the rabbitholes around you that change size, or if its just a trick of your mind. First you fall one second in white, and as a response, you fall one second in black, then you fall two seconds in white, and then two seconds in black, three in white, and so on. It seems like you are in quite some balance between black and white, but it also feels like both colors are somehow fighting each other. While it seems that white is winning, black always has a great response. But the more you fall, the longer each fall takes. You fall in the blackness, and you see nothing around you but just blackness. You almost forget about the white. It seems all black around you, the white circle became infinitely small. Is time playing a trick on you? Does the blackness itself, made it feel like the blackness takes longer? Does 1 second feel like 2 seconds, does two seconds feel like 4? But then suddenly, you are in the white again. How long does it take? A few seconds, minutes, hours? You don’t know anymore. Does the fact that 1 second feels like 2 seconds, made it feel like 4 seconds? What is happening?
You try to restore your peace. The falls are long now. You fall back towards the black and you see the light slightly changing into black. From white, to gray, to black. But this is weird to you, because before you only experienced white and black. But the longer the fall takes, the more time you spend at the switching point between white an black. So you look closer, where does the color switch from white to gray? First there was a definite switching point, but the longer you fall, the more the white gradually changes to black. First is was white – black. Then, it became white – grey- black, then white – white gray- gray- gray black – black. And so on, every fall the switch from black to white, and white to black becomes more gradually, more smooth. You found a new hobby while falling, you are finding out where to see the switch between each shade of grey. You can almost determine time through it. You are a while in black, but then, as the black turns slowly to dark grey, to light grey, you can’t wait for the total whiteness. When will it be? It is very hard to tell. The longer the fall takes, the harder it becomes to tell. Until you see the ultimate white color of the light, it is magnificent.
Looking at yourself through binary
You close your eyes and think to yourself, what is happening here? If you translate your experience to binary, you started at 0 total blackness, but then you switched to a 1, total whiteness. But the white was the same as black, so 1 could have been 0, and 0 could have been 1. It doesn’t really matter, it’s the way you look at it. The black and white switch from 01010101 but then it seemed to expand from 0011001100011100001111 and so on. When you focused on the shades of gray, you started from 0 and 1 (white – black), to 0, 01, 1 (white – grey – black), to 0, 001, 01, 011, 1 (white – white grey – grey – grey black – black). as you can see, each numbers (like the 0 and 1 or 01 and 1) can just be merged together (01 and 011) to make the in between shades (white gray and grey black). The depth and change of colors could be visualized through a binary tree. But that was the hole itself in binary. But that didn’t explain how your experienced the change of time while falling. This is more difficult. If your own system is changing within the rabbithole, like when you fall in black (1) your system responds to black (1). And well, it is no doubt that an environment influences us, so the more you see black, the more you might become black as well. Unless, you have a strong will to fight it.
Looking at yourself in waves
As well as seeing yourself in binary, you can also look at yourself through waves. Although, a rabbithole is just a deep hole, over time you can look at it as a wave. You are a point within the waves, or you are the waves themselves. That was the confusion part in the beginning of the story. Namely because, your falling patterns cohere exactly with the depth of the rabbithole. You don’t know what is falling, you or the rabbithole itself. Over time, a second in the black, and then a second in the white could be a very small wave. Over time, like in the story, the waves get larger and larger. Each step within the wave, becomes a darker shade towards total blackness. So the larger the wave, the more gradually the white becomes black, and the back becomes white. There is only a small moment you touch total whiteness. Therefore, it might feel magnificent.
Steps of life
The weird thing is, that both with binary and with wave, there are steps of changing. The shades change step by step. It seems like the world is pixelated in this view. But is life like this? Or are we a continuous flow of movement and flow?
*The diameter of the wave at the point where you are in the wave, could be the size of the circle of the rabbithole.
black But the longer you feel like falling in the blackness, the less you experience the whiteness
They are two sides of the coin, they are the same things while being the total opposites, a 0 and a 1, a Ying and Yang. But the more you are in the blackness,